


Semper Te Amabo

by WithoutAPaddle



Category: South Park
Genre: Falling In Love Again, First Love, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Recovered Memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-18 04:24:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13092348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithoutAPaddle/pseuds/WithoutAPaddle
Summary: Tweek and Craig have the perfect life, or at least the one society says is perfect.  But their relationship has evolved past the point of emotions and hormones, and Tweek doesn't know how to deal with it.  Through writing his memories down, Tweek hopes that reliving his moments with Craig will provide the spark he needs to fall in love all over again.





	Semper Te Amabo

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter may not be the most exciting, but it sets the premise for the memoirs and it allows the reader to get a glimpse into Tweek's mind. Tweek and Craig are around 25 in this and have been married with stable jobs for a few years. Since these are Tweek's memories, everything is from his point of view. I will include dialogue as best as I can in the subsequent chapters/memories, but due to the nature of the piece there may not be very many. Also, with the help of a friend, chapter titles will be either song titles or song lyrics that we see both as representing Creek and as important to our own memories and relationships.

Dear…Whoever,

This letter will likely be read by no one, but at least I can get my words down on the page. I’ve always been a better writer than speaker, so my therapist recommended I start writing down my thoughts, feelings, and memories. Perhaps then I can relive the memories I shared with my love, Craig, and find our spark again. 

After a troubling childhood, I managed to follow in the path of a seemingly perfect life. I earned a college degree, married the man of my dreams, and we both have jobs we love. And yet, this perfect life is deceptively miserable. Its stable, but boring; secure, but mundane. Too often it feels like the societal expectations of how you’re supposed to live your life end up taking the excitement out of it, or at least the variability. Sure, I am happy to have overcome the hard parts of our life, but those provided some of the best memories. The other problem is that everyone has a fucking opinion, but nobody’s is ever the same. Some people call us lucky for finding each other at 10 years old. Others call us stupid and say we’re doomed to fail never having dated anyone else. Only time will tell. 

At the heart of our boringly stable life, I still deal with crippling anxiety, and my dear Craig is the embodiment of apathy. Every day he sinks more into comfort-ability as I become more disillusioned with the monotony of it all. Growing up, we often hear that there comes a point in our relationship, life, you hit a certain age…something like that, where your relationship matures and changes and you don’t have that hormonal emotional love that you used to. The butterflies, heat rushes, instant arousal, daydreams, and everything…they’re gone. Even knowing this will happen does nothing to prepare you for how it feels. And it feels like you’re void of all positive emotion while becoming more and more anxious. For years Craig’s only response to why he loves me is “I just do.” Craig has never been good with his words and even worse with his emotions, but I wonder if he loves me just out of convenience and not anything deeper. 

Due to my anxiety, several times a day I have to question him if he loves me. And all I ever get is “I just do.” But the worst part is having to question if I still love him. There is nothing glaringly dysfunctional about our marriage, but all the feelings from our teenage years and early 20s that we associated with love are gone. It’s likely that I’m just not a happy person, but I can remember a time when Craig was the one thing that did make me happy. Now it seems even he isn’t enough. I love him. I love my job. But something just feels missing. 

So to you, my unknown recipient of this unsent letter, I apologize for my boring and depressing premise. I apologize for being the one person that can find misery in a good life. But my goal is to write the story of my relationship; all my memories with Craig. Perhaps, through these memoirs, I can once again feel the things I once felt. Even if he never remembers the things I do, he was there; these are our memories. If these memories can bring back these feelings, I know I can fall in love with Craig all over again.

 

Sigh. Here goes nothing.


End file.
